Five(ish) Insights on Christian Dating That I Probably Would’ve Ignored If You’d Told Them to Me in My Twenties

My goal here with Sit Still is to really consider what I know and to write about it—to ponder what it is I’m tethered to and how I hope to remain connected to it. And with this idea in mind, I’ve discovered that I will unfortch always feel a strong connection to the perils of dating, both now, in the year of our Lord 2026, and probably till He comes back to redeem it all for us.

Although it’s less pressing in my world than it once was, I am still in the group chats with the girlies, receiving screenshots of various bachelors’ Instagram accounts and offering free Hinge profile consultations. I am lending an ear and holding space amidst the inevitable highs and lows. I have solemnly sworn to keep commiserating because, at my core, I am a hype girl. Yes, you should say yes to that date! No, you should not give him the benefit of the doubt—AGAIN! I might even throw in a little I will Venmo you $5 if you go say hi to him right now.

In living out this role within shared community (what a gift‼️), I’m tasked also with reflecting on the good and the bad that encompasses the world of dating. Sometimes, you’re the villain (regrettable). Sometimes, another person’s villainy just, like, happens to you. Other times, the date was so forgettable… What were we even talking about again? In such a case, both parties are allowed to simply go their separate ways, free to refresh their Bumble feed yet again from the comfort of their vehicle.

Upon my own personal reflection, there are so many things I wish I’d been tougher about—so many situations I wish I’d approached from a deeper place of wholeness. I’m not writing this because I think I’m particularly wise, but because I wish someone had maybe shared these truths with me when I needed to hear them most. (And maybe you did try to share these insights with me, but I was too dumb to hear you out. That’s also a very real possibility.)

So, let’s jump in.

The advice you’ll find out there is conflicting. And a lot of well-meaning loved ones and vicious strangers in the TikTok comments are way too comfortable being all, iT’LL HaPPeN wHeN YoU LeASt ExPeCT iT, and like, maybe that’s true? But you won’t catch me saying that.

Here’s what I am saying, though:

1. Invite people—and their opinions—into the chat.

Dating shouldn’t be done in isolation. (I mean, use your discretion here.) Some elements of the relationship should definitely only be yours. But the hard stuff and the red flags and the not-quite-rights should have room to breathe in the presence of people you trust. And they should at least get to be a little in your business. All I’m saying is maybe don’t wait to bring your friends into it until after you’ve already committed your heart and soul to yet another scrub you started sneaky-dating three weeks ago. 🥀

And if you’re too scared to ask your besties what they think, that’s your sign.

2. Understand that you will continue to exist in the same universe as this other person.

This example might be a little too Music City-specific, but I deleted the apps four years ago and still cannot go to a show in or around Middle Tennessee without running into someone I’ve either messaged or gone on a date with.2 The 2021, new-to-town version of me did not understand how small her city—or its dating pool—actually was. So, remember: Clear is kind.

Treat people respectfully because every day is another opportunity to run into the image-bearing ghosts of Hinge dates past. 👼🏻

3. Nobody is actually good at dating.

I would not trust anyone who goes into this thing with too much of a strut. There are way too many vulnerable variables at play. I think we should all feel a little weird and uncertain and nervous when it comes to dating. If it starts feeling like an interview for a position you’re not qualified (or cool enough) for, then that’s not your future spouse. Because your dream partner would never. And if they’re behaving just a little too confidently, you can trust there’s some overcompensation going on.

You’re being brave by putting yourself out there, and that’s worth celebrating with the people who love you best, especially after every bad date or chat exchange left on read.

4. Assume your case is the rule, not the exception.

This is a big one. So, I say it, and I mean it: If it feels off, then it actually just might be. If the vibes consistently leave you guessing, and if you’re always making excuses for their habits and treatment of you, then allow yourself to let them go. Assume your case falls under the “rule” category, not the exception. Don’t let a false sense of hope—or scarcity—delude you into thinking you should just try harder at something that isn’t right. This person or relationship might not be it for you.

And it’s so chic to be able to call it before the very kind and generous Creator of the universe has to pry it out of your grimy little hands. (Been there. Zero stars. Wouldn’t recommend.)

5. Trust in a sovereignty outside your own efforts.

I’ve often placed myself in the driver’s seat in an effort to will so many obviously, devastatingly wrong almosts into existence. And I am so unbelievably grateful that these scenarios were never once in my own control. And that’s a reminder I give my friends after every mediocre date, ghosting encounter, and tear-filled night spent watching Pride and Prejudice (2005) all over again. Dating is a positively wild and seemingly horrific blend of timing, luck, divine sovereignty, and the will to keep deleting and re-downloading the same two apps in rotation, over and over again.

To go from a match to a first date to an actual relationship or even a marriage takes a hundred little blind steps of faith. And you don’t know what you don’t know yet. But you can prayerfully, carefully entrust it to Someone who does.

BONUS: Pray that your future spouse pays for the premium dating app subscription so you don’t have to.

This isn’t sponsored. (But it should be! I’m a success story!) And I’m not saying your person is hidden behind a paywall or that you need to be the one to swipe a card for this. But I am saying that I don’t think I would’ve ever found Cristopher if he hadn’t purchased the $29.99 premium subscription in order to get to me first.

Also: don’t be afraid to send a rose. Because it’s really not that deep.